Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Relationship advice from Zombieland

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

We saw Zombieland (trailer below) last night and I loved it in that cheap, entertaining kind of way of most zombie movies. I don’t know why zombie and vampire movies are so great, but maybe it has something to do with the type of dramatic stories we humans enjoy.

Of course, for me the fact that the main progtagonist is a geek boy who wins over the hot chick doesn’t hurt the story. You know I love the geek boys and love it even more when they win. And yeah, it’s a movie, but I believe that geek boys not only deserve super hot chicks, but they can get them too.

So here’s some relationship advice for geeks that I’ve gleaned from that fabulous movie:

  1. DON’T try to date the super hot chick that has nothing else going for her
    Listen, forget about 406 (the hot chick that lives two rooms down from you). She may be sizzling hot to look at, but if that’s all she’s got going for her, she’s not for you. She will only come to you when she needs something, then take advantage of you as soon as she needs to too (like when her zombie lust for brains takes over and she needs to feed on you).
  2. DON’T date the super hot chick that has no one else but you (a complete stranger) to turn to when she needs help
    Look, I know it’s nice to be seen as the hero and all, but if she’s got no one else she can turn to in her desperate time of need, the girl has relationship problems.
  3. DO go for the hot chick who’s got brains
    You don’t want an intellectually inferior girl. Trust me, you’re too smart for that. You want someone that can match wits with you. Someone that can outwit the brain thirsty zombies just as well as you can. She’ll improve your life by adding to it rather than draining your energies like a lesser girl might. Plus an intellectual chick will not only understand you better, but will appreciate you more.
  4. DO go for the hot chick who’ll kill for her sister
    You want someone that really loves people. Someone who’ll kill to protect her family from the advancing hordes of the undead. Because someone like that knows how to form deep attachments and you don’t want a shallow kind of love, do you?
  5. DO be patient
    An intellectual gal is likely to be a little headstrong and independent. This isn’t necessarily a fear of commitment or a lack of interest in you, it’s simply that she’s more thoughtful about who she’s going to get emotionally involved with. She’s thinking about you and weighing her options. This works in your favor because you have a lot going for you. You’re smart, you’re sweet, and you’re dedicated to her and this will probably win her over in the end.
  6. DON’T be afraid to kiss her
    She may be smart and independent and strong, but a girl doesn’t mind you making the first move. Take a risk and give the poor girl a kiss. If she hesitates, then maybe you should go back to step 5. If she pulls away in disgust, then she’s probably not interested. Or you have a zombie coming at you from behind.

New year, new boys

Friday, January 6th, 2006

new years was wonderful. and i didn’t even suffer any jet lag. well i slept a lot in the car, but road trips always lull me to sleep. marg’s friend in connecticut and her boyfriend were fun to lunch with. and their place was beautiful. nate & sara’s place is beautiful. it snowed all night on new year’s eve. i met a few new people i really enjoyed. we talked about boys and breaking up and being single. we drank all night (and i didn’t get sick). i fell asleep on top of a beagle, but i swear i wasn’t drunk. i got to see mike’s grandma’s place (now his parents’) where he spent part of his childhood. i missed out on the south jersey tour because the trip was so short, but there will be another one — can’t miss out on the nuclear tour or marg’s house, and i haven’t yet seen jay’s house either. i got to finish off the trip with an amazing portuguese lunch in the ironbound neighborhood with mike & marg, and marg’s sister and boyfriend.

i have to admit, though, that i got home and was feeling a little blue. the rush of the end of the year and holiday trips kept my mind going, but once i got back, i didn’t know what to do with myself. i’ve vegged out every night this week — watching tv and hanging out with ed & his ineke away from ineke, tuck. but i went to yoga tonight and had a good time and i’m forcing myself to write so i can feel less aimless.

while mindlessly watching tv (and one of the scariest episodes of the simpsons i’ve ever seen) i was browsing personals. i’m not ready for dating yet or trying to meet people, but i’ve been starting to check out the personals on yahoo and match and just seeing what kinds of people are out there. i swam through loads of search results and finally picked out three that i thought might be good matches, for, you know, in like two months when i feel ready to email them. but ed nixed two of them for being psychos. someone should offer a service where they review your profile picks and offer an expert opinion — especially facial analysis — it’s amazing what someone with expertise in facial expressions can see. of your five picks, ms. ahn, i’m afraid that this one is lying, these two clearly look like they have stalkerish tendencies, and this one has obviously falsified his photos. try again.

Name recognition

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

I was reading the new New Scientist and saw a quote from this guy I went out on a date with months and months ago. He was a graduate student at Berkeley studying genetically modified maize. And it’s sort of cool to recognize someone’s name in a magazine you religiously read. Because even if he’s not a celebrity, he sort of becomes one at that moment. It made me think of this article I read months ago on scanning the brain to predict a person’s behavior in economic games. It was a long ass Newsweek article about how, for humans, the emotional and rational parts of their brain affect their decisions, and how primates appeared to be hard wired to act according to mathematically derived formulas of economy.

The monkeys used Berry Berry juice as their currency. And looking at a “celebrity” monkey was worth paying for:

Male monkeys have a distinct dominance hierarchy, and Platt has found they will give up a considerable quantity of fruit juice for the chance just to look at a picture of a higher-ranking individual.

So it makes sense that humans do it, too — because we do things like pay to go to movies, buy magazines and cable tv to see celebrities, pay for expensive dinners with politicians. And “celebrity” is subjective. Your celebrities might be actors or politicians or scientists or writers or musicians or tech geeks. Whatever your thing is, there’s someone you consider a celebrity.

There’s been a lot of research in the last few months about predicting behavior. And there’s almost always a mention of what this means for marketing. Seems like in the end, we’re all paying to look like or live like a celebrity. Whoever that celebrity is.

The end of that long article makes some interesting notes about the differences in the decision making process in men and women. Which I think is funny because I was just thinking about this article the other day when I was going over how long it took me to come to my final decisions — even after I’d already made them.

Stunt Monkey show

Thursday, September 2nd, 2004

I went and saw a punk show on Sunday night — part of the KSCU’s Stop, Drop and Rock at the Gaslighter in Campbell — cute little venue. I love shows in old theaters. Stunt Monkey were awesome. It was a little weird though — the two bands that played before Stunt Monkey didn’t excite a lively crowd — there were piles of people standing in front of the stage — many of them young girls in short skirts. I don’t remember there being so many cutely dressed girls at the punk shows I used to go to. But they’d just stand there in front of the stage. Not moving. It looked really weird. I don’t know how you can stand so close to the music and not move. I’m not graceful, and I can’t dance, but music — no matter what kind — gets under my skin, makes me tap my feet, bob my head, wiggle my hips.

But when Stunt Monkey came on — most of those cute little girls were gone, and the mosh pit opened up for a second to let a handful of people tear across the floor a couple of times, then throughout the rest of the show, these goofy ass motherfuckers took turns in the middle of the floor to dance with each other. Old eighties moves, poorly done, but I think almost purposefully so — the running man, the sprinkler, some bad break dancing. All of it entertaining to no end. Other peoples’ energy is so infectious.