I am easily amused. I’ve been threatening to get rid of cable TV for like a year now. You know what I’m going to miss the most? The commercials. Not all of them, just the good ones. Like this one.

I’ve heard the computer adaptive test, you know, adapts to the way you answer you questions so if you answer incorrectly, the next question is easier and vice versa*. So imagine my horror when over half way through my verbal test, I get a question with “disappointment” as one of the words. Now, I can’t tell you the actual question, but the word in the analogy was on par in difficulty with “disappointment.” I was heartbroken. I thought, holy god, how could I have fucked up this badly on the test so far that they have to give me baby words?!

But it turned out to be ok because I got the scores I wanted to get on both sections. In one week of studying, I boosted my combined GRE scores over 300 points so that week of studying was well worth it. I focused on practicing math problems over and over again and learning new vocab. I had some old Kaplan GRE workbooks and used those to study, but I wonder how much, if anything has changed in the past decade. I think the books I had came from early 2000.

Not that I care anymore cause I doubt I will ever have to take the GRE again! Woohoo!

* I say “I heard” because the GRE books I studied from were old. I have no idea if the current GREs are the same, but if I had to hazard a guess, I would say they were the same.

Case in point: Macy’s sent me these 20% off all day, one day coupons. They basically want you to shop all day and use this coupon. I get it. And between the holiday sales and the coupon, you could buy a lot of stuff not at retail price. But I’ve been really busy lately with graduate school applications and haven’t had time for shopping, so I basically forced myself to shop on Wednesday. Not only was it their “last” One Day Sale, but I had used the 20% off coupon and now I’d have to use it as many more times as I could that day to get the full value of it. So I have a crappy day of shopping when I don’t want to shop, and I end up spending more money than I want to because it’s a “bargain.” And I love bargains — I went to the ballet this week with the Mr and he asked if I was wearing new pants. Nope, just pants I’ve had for years and have never worn before. Cause I like to buy shit on sale. Whether I’m going to use it or not.

The other problem with coupons is that sometimes I use a coupon and actually spend more money. For example, Target sends me coupons. I <3 Target, but they’re inconvenient to get to so I don’t go there as often as I might if they were closer. I sometimes buy items I wouldn’t normally buy just because I have a coupon for it. Little things like their Archer brand snacks, or home & beauty products I don’t normally use. The crazy thing is that sometimes I pay more for a particular item (like brand name feminine hygiene pads) because I have a coupon for it when I would actually pay less just buying the Target brand like I normally do. I know; it’s completely illogical! But I’m telling you, the psychological effects of coupons is complex and devious.

I am quite seriously considering going back to my irregular and not very frequent use of coupons to retain my sanity about shopping.

I was reviewing my list last night so I could email my loved ones and was thinking to myself what a random mix of stuff it was. I mean, it’s all stuff I want and I purposely picked items in a range of prices, but I wonder if it takes the fun out of getting Christmas gifts because it takes away the element of surprise.

In recent years, I’ve begged family members to send me Christmas wish lists and sometimes I look at the things on there and think…I can’t get them this as a Christmas present — it’s too practical, or not special enough. My father is the worst to shop for. He has everything he needs, doesn’t send a list, and never intimates he has an especial desire for anything. And this year I missed his birthday because I was out of the country and now I have to make sure his gifts are doubly wonderful. My sister is the best at giving gifts; she always pleasantly surprises me with something. Special too is when you get an unexpected gift from a family member — that’s always sweet.

I’d like to put cash on my Christmas list. I think we Americans are too ambivalent about cash gifts. Other cultures seem to think nothing of it, but we seem to think it’s a cop out or impersonal, and only gift it when specifically asked for it. I say cash is the universal gift. Give it freely people. I’ll distribute it equally into in my writing fund, my whisky fund (almost the same as my writing fund), my new car fund, and my bathroom remodel fund. But before I do that, I’ll buy a drink and toast you for your special gift.

And in case you thought I had no holiday cheer, I leave you with one of my very, very favorite holiday songs. I listen to this song every year and I love both the original Vandals version and the No Doubt one below:

Lyrics:
Where my gifts, Santa? I’ve been good. Better bring me sport equipment like you should! Where you at Santa? I ain’t playin’. I’ve got a nice crib to park your sleigh on. Where those elves, where your wife? You bring me the fancy electric knife. You don’t know me Santa. I’ve been good. I’ve got plenty of milk and cookies in my hood. Fa la la LA LA. Ho ho ho. Fa la la LA LA. Ho ho ho.

By the time I got to Bangkok for my last night before my flight home I was almost desperate for some company. Just someone I could speak some fucking English to. Those 21 hour bus rides and over night trains — no one to talk to. On the local buses I took, I was the only person that didn’t speak Lao. By the time I got to Bangkok, I was absurdly lonely. And for a big, confident, self assured gal, being absurdly lonely is…absurd.

Isaac and Kerry told me they’d gotten prettied up in Bangkok before they went back to the states. So I went to mall. I’d avoided it in Laos because I was busy looking at other things, but I do enjoy checking out malls in different countries so I went to the mall Isaac suggested. Indulged in some Thai underwear because Asian bras fit me (cause I’m Asian) and I spent less than $50 USD for 2 pairs of bras and 2 pairs of matching underwear — unheard of at Victoria’s Secret (and yet they were just as sexy).

I wore my cleanest dress. The one dress I’d brought for special occasions. The one I’d never worn before. It’s a travel dress; I bought it on sale at REI. It’s not that sexy. But at the end of the evening when I ended up at an Australian pub across the street from my hotel (only cause I knew there’d be English spoken there and they were playing MotoGP on one of their big screens), drinking Jamie’s all alone…the one guy who finally talked to me said he thought I was a Thai whore until he heard my English.

I guess part of me has to be proud that I could even pass for a Thai whore.

I was at REI earlier today (twice! I think I lost an earring there so I had to return to try to find it) and completely forgot to get the luggage tag I meant to get there. So I was forced — against my will — to get a Hello Kitty luggage tag at the mall (I tried the travel store but they didn’t have any cheaply priced luggage tags).

I also forgot the Glide at Sports Basement (where I was also at this morning) and was forced to try to find it at the mall (the SF mall is right next to my gym so easy access). I went to Footlocker and Lady Footlocker and asked for Glide and everyone wrinkled their noses at me. I knew what they were thinking. I wanted to tell them, “It’s for chafing. Not for sex!” but I refrained. Seriously though, I don’t know why Glide is not more commonly recognized. It’s sort of like an active person’s fix-all.

So now I have my Hello Kitty luggage tag. And plenty of Glide. Oh, and I went to BevMo to stock up on little tiny bottles of alcohol we can fit into our quart sized Ziploc bags for the flight. Really, I think that’s all we need. Next up: traveler’s checks and a flight to Bangkok!

I do it so infrequently, I completely forget how painful it’s going to be. It’s probably why I wait an entire year to go back because it takes that long to wipe out the memory of the pain. I tend to laugh as a coping mechanism for a variety of reasons and excruciating pain is one of them so every time she’d yank a strip of hair off, I’d start giggling. We were talking about all sorts of things, and everything made me laugh. I probably sounded high.

It started off nice and easy — the edges weren’t as densely populated so it hurt less. Then the searing pain. The “want to gouge out the eyes of this person who’s doing this to me” pain. The “oh my god, what the hell was I thinking” pain. And the “good lord, I can’t take anymore pain”. Oh yes. Anyone who tells you it doesn’t hurt is a big fat fucking LIAR!

Coincidentally, I happened to catch a bit of the Daily Show the other day when he was talking about how Chicago lost out to Rio de Janeiro in their bid for the 2016 Oympics and he makes a crack about bikini waxes. It starts at 4:10 in the clip below, though the whole thing is funny if you want to watch it in its entirety.

I’m looking forward to many things on the trip: getting away, seeing lots of new things, experiencing a completely different culture, tasting new food, walking endlessly, rain, heat, meeting new people, seeing new animals (if I’m lucky — you know how I love the furry things), and getting to know the couple I’m traveling with even better. I’ve never spent more than a few hours at a time with them so I’m immensely curious how this will turn out. I’m fairly certain it’ll be easy and fun, but I think the unknown is inordinately attractive to me and having never traveled like this — so intimately with so few people — it will be interesting. I’ve traveled solo and I’ve traveled with significant others and with large groups, but never by myself with another couple.

Other than yoga and the vaccinations I got, preparations include getting legal docs in order in case I die in Laos. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to and I think if my mother hadn’t died so suddenly and we hadn’t gone through probate, I wouldn’t even be thinking about it, but I am. Unlike any other trip I’ve taken before, this time I’ve got an emergency contact list to send to close friends and family which includes any information they might need in case I die like the person who has my will and the person who’d know about all my financials.

Another thing I’ve realized is that when you go away for a month and you’re uncertain of your accessibility to the internet, you have to figure out how to pay the bills. I’m not a big fan of autopay because I hate to store my credit card credentials with any sites so I’m realizing now that I need to prepay accounts or make other arrangements.

But that’s all the boring shite. Fun preparations include getting my travel reading list together, deciding on which camera to take, downloading podcasts, and figuring out what I absolutely want to see during my month in Laos. Goodbye internet, goodbye phone. I won’t miss you one bit!

I think the meditative aspect of yoga combined with the focus on breathing and the purposeful arrangement of the body really pulls you away from your mental state and into a keen awareness of your physical state. With a clear head free of intruding thoughts and a heightened sensual awareness, it seems reasonable that one could easily make the leap to thoughts of sex. And I’m not the only one…

From the upcoming Couples Retreat which looks hilarious, is a bit of the trailer (note that I start the clip at 2:05 — the relevant bit — so you’ll have to start it from the beginning if you’re interested in the whole trailer).

From Sex and the City. Samantha has given up sex because her hot yoga instructor has, but it doesn’t last long. Don’t ask me why I couldn’t find this clip in English — I just couldn’t. It doesn’t matter; just read her lips.

Of course, for me the fact that the main progtagonist is a geek boy who wins over the hot chick doesn’t hurt the story. You know I love the geek boys and love it even more when they win. And yeah, it’s a movie, but I believe that geek boys not only deserve super hot chicks, but they can get them too.

So here’s some relationship advice for geeks that I’ve gleaned from that fabulous movie:

1. DON’T try to date the super hot chick that has nothing else going for her
   Listen, forget about 406 (the hot chick that lives two rooms down from you). She may be sizzling hot to look at, but if that’s all she’s got going for her, she’s not for you. She will only come to you when she needs something, then take advantage of you as soon as she needs to too (like when her zombie lust for brains takes over and she needs to feed on you).
2. DON’T date the super hot chick that has no one else but you (a complete stranger) to turn to when she needs help
   Look, I know it’s nice to be seen as the hero and all, but if she’s got no one else she can turn to in her desperate time of need, the girl has relationship problems.
3. DO go for the hot chick who’s got brains
   You don’t want an intellectually inferior girl. Trust me, you’re too smart for that. You want someone that can match wits with you. Someone that can outwit the brain thirsty zombies just as well as you can. She’ll improve your life by adding to it rather than draining your energies like a lesser girl might. Plus an intellectual chick will not only understand you better, but will appreciate you more.
4. DO go for the hot chick who’ll kill for her sister
   You want someone that really loves people. Someone who’ll kill to protect her family from the advancing hordes of the undead. Because someone like that knows how to form deep attachments and you don’t want a shallow kind of love, do you?
5. DO be patient
   An intellectual gal is likely to be a little headstrong and independent. This isn’t necessarily a fear of commitment or a lack of interest in you, it’s simply that she’s more thoughtful about who she’s going to get emotionally involved with. She’s thinking about you and weighing her options. This works in your favor because you have a lot going for you. You’re smart, you’re sweet, and you’re dedicated to her and this will probably win her over in the end.
6. DON’T be afraid to kiss her
   She may be smart and independent and strong, but a girl doesn’t mind you making the first move. Take a risk and give the poor girl a kiss. If she hesitates, then maybe you should go back to step 5. If she pulls away in disgust, then she’s probably not interested. Or you have a zombie coming at you from behind.

So I bought this DVD: Gaiam’s Power Yoga Total Body DVD with Rodney Yee. I would’ve preferred a female host or at least a video instructor who didn’t vaguely remind me of my ex, but my options were very limited. I wanted an hour long total body workout and thought any yoga without “power” in the title might be too easy. This seemed perfect.

After four hours of sleep, a six hour drive, one meal for the day followed by a one hour nap, I thought it might be a good time to try out the DVD for the first time. My plan is to do it every day until I leave so I get used to the moves. I was wasted — not drunk wasted, but not at the top of my physical form. And the DVD killed me.

Every time I went from a Standing Forward Bend to a Mountain Pose, my head got light, I saw stars, and I seriously thought I’d pass out. And there was a lot of that in the beginning of the DVD. That was followed by several poses I’d never done before. I’ve only taken yoga probably less than 10 times before. I was sweating, uncomfortable, and hoping desperately it would end when I’d only been at it for 20 minutes. At one point I thought I broke something in my shoulder — doing an Upward Bow which I wasn’t quite prepared for.

But I made it through to the end. One day down…14 more to go then I’ll be doing yoga next to the Mekong River!

We had lunch with my favorite aunt and uncle, and my dad. After lunch my aunt told us stories about my mom — stories I’d never heard before. My mother never told us stories about herself. I always knew this aunt was her closest sister, but hearing about their lives together made me miss my mom, wish I’d made her tell me stories, wish I spoke Korean fluently, and made me realize once again how much my aunt loved her and still misses her.

I looked in vain for a good photo of my mom and my aunt when they were young. Then I decided I’d settle for any photo of the two of them, but couldn’t find one in the stash of photos here. They’re probably in my stash of mom’s photos in San Francisco. But here’s one of my favorites of my own sister. She and I weren’t as close as my aunt and mom when we were younger, but we certainly are now.

My sister and me: Elementary school years in Ohio

News comes to you

I hadn’t been writing for very long when I started to get publicists emailing me to pimp their clients’ products. It was great because it took some of the leg work out of it for me — instead of searching out new things to write about, people were actually coming to me and basically giving me news to write. I tend to try to keep my personal opinions out of my articles (I save those for my personal fitness blog) so I’ll write about (almost) anything fitness tech related including gadgets, apps, online tools, etc. It’s been an interesting non-fiction writing experience in this way.

I’ve always known companies have marketing departments, but I never knew publicists reached out to writers to spread the news. I wonder now if this was always the case or if the current internet environment where anyone and everyone can have a say has encouraged this type of grassroots marketing. I saw recently that Heather Armstrong of dooce.com tweeted about her bad experience with Maytag (after a futile struggle with them to fix her new machine) which 1. got her issue resolved immediately and 2. had Bosch offering her a free machine of her choice (which they ended up donating it to a charity instead). Armstrong has a massive audience, but you get the picture of what’s possible.

I’m writing again

So examiner.com changed their payment policy recently so that if you don’t publish in 30 days, you don’t get paid until you publish again. This actually makes sense because it builds credibility for you and for them. Because of that I’m writing again (my favorite new post: tongue patches to lose weight!) but I have a different method. I’m a wiser non-fiction writer now. I have google news feeds set up (where I get my own articles sent to me after I publish them because they fit my search criteria), I scan all the relevant sites. I do a little bit of research, but am not going to spend days researching an article anymore. Publish more, work less. Sounds good to me.

I usually add photos to each of my articles that I find under the Creative Commons license for commercial use on Flickr and this is my favorite recent image. It’s a nutritionally balanced plate of food by Nourish Interactive, a fun looking site to learn about nutrition for kids, parents, and educators.

My fear that writing all this non-fiction would eat away into my fiction writing time turns out to be unfounded. Actually, I’ve found that the more I write — of anything — the more I want to write. Turns out that writing for the examiner.com and my other blogs is good for me. Instead of giving me less time to write fiction, it gives me more motivation to write stories.

One of them would swim up to me, popping her head out of the water and just look at me for half a second before going away. Then she’d come back and pop up out of the water in front of me and look at me again. As if I wasn’t already in love with her, she kept coming back. She retrieved toys off the floor of her tank and brought them up to show me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

I watched them doing all their mundane activities like grooming and sleeping and was completely and utterly fascinated. One of them slept floating on her back with her little teddy bear face to the sun, sucking on her hand. I wish I’d taken a photo.

Today, we stopped by Lemos Farm in Half Moon Bay. I’ve always wanted to visit and even though I lived 10 minutes from there for a short period of time, this was my first time there. There’s no admission to enter the farm so you can go and walk around for free and enjoy the Halloween decorations. I was enamored of the goats. They would come up to you when you stood at the fence and poke their heads out and make that little goat sound. Their chins are so soft. They wanted to suck and bite on my fingers and eat my clothes. I was in goat attention heaven.

Kitty drinking inefficiently from a faucet – Watch more free videos at break.com

All silliness aside, a trip to Southern California means family time. I love the north and I love San Francisco, but I always hate leaving my son, sister, dad and the rest of my family behind in the hot south.

In the summer before my sophomore year, I went to Andover, Massachusetts and had my first taste of freedom going to summer school away from my parents. I hung out with some privileged kids cum hippies. Very educational. But it was also the first summer I spent in a serious creative writing course. I would not say I excelled at it then, but I did write some creepy, depressing shit. Nothing at all like the depressing shit I write now. Now it’s more serious. And award winning!

High school isn’t something or some place I think about often, but being back in the home that I lived in when I went to high school spurs on these nostalgic memories. I think about people I haven’t thought about in a long time, I remember events I’ve forgotten for years, and when prompted, I remember being someone else…that teenager that I think I’ve outgrown but have never fully outrun. Part of me is that same person and most of me isn’t, but you are who you are and the past is part of what makes you who you are now. I like the person I am now and the past makes for good stories. As well as the heart wrenching pain and agony any good writer needs to shed the tears that’ll dampen the drying quills ;)

Writer Wanted For Ex North Idaho Drug Kingpin: Looking for someone to write life story, unique story, unique Individual. Story consists of dealings with Colombians,Cubans, Mexican Federallies, 16 years in prison hanging out with mafia members from the Phildelphia Scarfo gang, Charlie Iannache, Anthony Pungitore, Gene Gotti-brother of John Gotti of the New York Mafia, being successful jail house lawyer. Story begins with the consequences for a boy with a gifted IQ who deals with uniagnosed ADHD and the path he takes in life through taking over the underbelly of the drug world,prison,self inflicted extrodinary rehabilitation efforts to his succesfull entrance back into society. This isnt some run of the mill drug dealer story! I SHOULD BE DEAD A HUNDRED TIMES OVER. GOD HAD HIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER TO GET THROUGH IT. ps: All Statue of Limitations are finished and all prison time completed. The story just needs to be told by a gifted writer. TO SEE 6 PAGE SYNOPSIS GO TO: http://bobbyconvict.blogspot.com If interested, please submit writing proposal/compensation plans. I would prefer to give the writer a portion of proceeds, but would pay the right writer to do the story. Follow up to the book would be self help videos/books for children-parents-educators-inmates to not go down the path I took, or to change an inmates life through education. please email me at: write4me87@yahoo.com

It made me think of the contest Neil Strauss just recently ran on his mailing list. It was a call to writers for samples for a chance to be a ghostwriter for some old mobster who wanted to tell his story. I’ve mentioned this before. He sent out an MP3 with a 30 minute-ish long interview segment and you had to write a story based on the audio. There were no restrictions and you could write whatever and however you wanted. It was a pretty cool and real opportunity to get a chance to work with an established writer.

I did some research to see what kinds of fees ghostwriters get and they varied wildly. Anywhere from $45 – $200/hr. Variables include whether the ghostwrite gets attribution or not and how long the project takes, but looked like about $25,000 is relatively reasonable fee to ghostwrite someone’s book for him/her.

“Dear Kat – I love you madly, but it has to stop here — painful as that will be for both of us. To continue on as we have been doing would be MADNESS!”

Then I remembered that in the order form you got to write the inscription you wanted Sundman to write when he signed the book you ordered. This idea fascinated me so I requested “Dear Kat, I love you madly.” Thinking how funny it was to make someone you don’t know tell you they loved you madly.

I love what Sundman did with it. And I’m glad I waited so long to open it just so I could be surprised by it.

The book starts off with a) a bible verse, b) quote from an IEEE Technical Committee, and c) a definition of sigint. In short, geeky. It’s hilarious so far and I haven’t gotten that deep into it yet. It’s also licensed under a Creative Commons license and is available for free to read by chapter (though you miss out on the great graphics).

I cleaned out the guest room the other day and happened to run into a card from an ex-boyfriend. It was so sweet and made me think fondly back to that person. I have no connection with him anymore. We didn’t stay in touch and we aren’t friends but for a few moments I felt affection for him again.

But it’s the past in the present — do I really need that? Do I really care to remember those times? What difference would it make if I never remembered them again?

The thing is that I have an awful memory so I probably won’t remember those times without the physical reminders — the ticket stubs, the journal entries, the cards I save in shoeboxes. I found a small photo of my son from when he was just a baby — a cutout of his head I must’ve meant to use for some craft or photo album. It was just the head, but I remember distinctly the photo it came from and it took me back to his babyhood. Nowadays I look at him and there’s no trace of that baby in him. He’s way too old and mature to spark that memory in me. But that’s what the photo albums are for.

I need to be a better purger of stuff. Because it’s not the things that you miss, it’s the memories that you associate with those things. And maybe you’re afraid without them those memories will disappear too — at least I am. But maybe if my memories only surface when I look at certain things, they’re not really worth recalling?

I don’t know why I tweet except that it’s faster than blogging and I can make inane comments about…well, inane bs I wouldn’t bother to put on my blog. When I read other people feeds, I find myself often thinking to myself, I must stop following this person because I find him/her incredibly uninteresting, but never follow through with the unfollowing. My favorite tweeters are those who a) use whole sentences and express complete thoughts. Each tweet is short, yes, but I don’t want to read something no matter how short that doesn’t freaking make any sense about anything! And I like tweeters who b) are funny, and c) don’t tweet too often. Not every single tweet is interesting, but as long as the good ones are really good, I can overlook the lame ones. I really need to stop following about 80 of the 90 or so people I follow.

Here’s a really short list of my favorites (btw, you can view my inane feed at http://twitter.com/sfkat) in no particular order:

• @Steve_Buscemi: he is usually quite hilarious
• @yahoo: don’t care about most of their tweets but the “Spiking in search” ones are interesting (wonder if Google does this, too?)
• @trent_reznor: the only famous person I follow simply because he’s Trent Reznor (I follow other famous people but usually not for long because believe it or not, famous people can be boring — or at least their tweets are). His tweets are actually usually pretty funny and he’s a tech geek too so bonus sexy points.
• @PenelopeTrunk: she’s funny and writes well formatted tweets (i.e complete sentences and thoughts). Plus she’s a little neurotic and I like her.
• @dooce: same as Penelope Trunk: she’s funny and writes well. Plus she’s pregnant and bitchy and I like her for it.

Wow, I can only come up with a list of five. I need to follow some new people. But there are a variety of reasons I follow people. I know them (e.g co-workers and friends), they’re local, tweet news, or are industry related (tech geek news/people), etc. So no, not every person I follow makes me laugh but they’re interesting for other reasons.