Relationship advice from Zombieland

We saw Zombieland (trailer below) last night and I loved it in that cheap, entertaining kind of way of most zombie movies. I don’t know why zombie and vampire movies are so great, but maybe it has something to do with the type of dramatic stories we humans enjoy.

Of course, for me the fact that the main progtagonist is a geek boy who wins over the hot chick doesn’t hurt the story. You know I love the geek boys and love it even more when they win. And yeah, it’s a movie, but I believe that geek boys not only deserve super hot chicks, but they can get them too.

So here’s some relationship advice for geeks that I’ve gleaned from that fabulous movie:

  1. DON’T try to date the super hot chick that has nothing else going for her
    Listen, forget about 406 (the hot chick that lives two rooms down from you). She may be sizzling hot to look at, but if that’s all she’s got going for her, she’s not for you. She will only come to you when she needs something, then take advantage of you as soon as she needs to too (like when her zombie lust for brains takes over and she needs to feed on you).
  2. DON’T date the super hot chick that has no one else but you (a complete stranger) to turn to when she needs help
    Look, I know it’s nice to be seen as the hero and all, but if she’s got no one else she can turn to in her desperate time of need, the girl has relationship problems.
  3. DO go for the hot chick who’s got brains
    You don’t want an intellectually inferior girl. Trust me, you’re too smart for that. You want someone that can match wits with you. Someone that can outwit the brain thirsty zombies just as well as you can. She’ll improve your life by adding to it rather than draining your energies like a lesser girl might. Plus an intellectual chick will not only understand you better, but will appreciate you more.
  4. DO go for the hot chick who’ll kill for her sister
    You want someone that really loves people. Someone who’ll kill to protect her family from the advancing hordes of the undead. Because someone like that knows how to form deep attachments and you don’t want a shallow kind of love, do you?
  5. DO be patient
    An intellectual gal is likely to be a little headstrong and independent. This isn’t necessarily a fear of commitment or a lack of interest in you, it’s simply that she’s more thoughtful about who she’s going to get emotionally involved with. She’s thinking about you and weighing her options. This works in your favor because you have a lot going for you. You’re smart, you’re sweet, and you’re dedicated to her and this will probably win her over in the end.
  6. DON’T be afraid to kiss her
    She may be smart and independent and strong, but a girl doesn’t mind you making the first move. Take a risk and give the poor girl a kiss. If she hesitates, then maybe you should go back to step 5. If she pulls away in disgust, then she’s probably not interested. Or you have a zombie coming at you from behind.

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